The Power of the Not-Apology
Not apologizing is a superpower because it lets the feelings marinate.
One, it gives you time to step back and consider if you actually did something truly malicious to someone else.
Two, it forces the other people involved to consider their role, and it gives them the opportunity to consider if they are the ones who did something wrong. Often, they will step forward with an apology instead.
When I apologized all the time, I became the one who was responsible for others. I thought I was being helpful, but I realized, most of the time, I was simply excusing other people’s bad behavior just so I could feel better about myself.
When I stopped apologizing, it actually made people respect me more. I was no longer seen as such a pushover, as someone who could be taken advantage of at a moment’s notice.
Because, when push comes to shove, there are things that you just shouldn’t stand for.
Because, at the end of the day, you are not responsible for another person’s happiness.
You’re responsible for your own behavior.
Become an expert at analyzing your own role.
There will still be times when you need to apologize.
That’s just part of being a flawed human.
But it’s not as often as you think.
The not-apology can be a powerful tool.
It’s your responsibility to learn how to use it.