I now know it’s possible.
Having a major surgery to repair a failing valve was the trauma.
And the growth came after.
It took therapy, a hospital stay, and ridding my life of toxic relationships.
But the trauma provided the opening for the light to peer in.
In a way, it felt–and feels–like the warm glow of the operating-room lights overheard.
When you’re exposed and vulnerable and have nowhere to turn, that’s where you are.
And that’s what I know now.
Goals are important.
Planning is important.
But it all can change in an instant.
And the decision to change can happen in an instant as well.
When you wake up and your body mouths those words, it’s a sign that you’re not fully in control.
But there is something beautiful about being so in the present that your body speaks for you.
That’s what happened to me.
Getting through heart surgery just so I could struggle even more with mental health didn’t seem fair to me.
But I know now that fairness is a label I apply to situations I don’t yet understand.
The big picture is that all of us must find what we are meant to do.
And my body knows that I’m meant to use my life as my teacher.
And then offer up lessons for others.
What others do with those lessons is not under my control.
So very little is, and that’s alright.
I know now that mental health is a fluid thing.
It’s not an on-off switch.
It’s a commitment of moments to change in a way that is right for you.
How you discover what is right for you might be the most important task in life.